As much as I hate to repost this: HERE IT GOES...
http://sifucheng.blogspot.com/2008/06/handholding.html
Read it. Re-read it. And then think on this...
"A word to the wise isn't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
- Bill Cosby.
Handholding, while irritating as F--KIN' HELL and unbelievably time-consuming for the leader, can be one of the only ways of making efficient progress for the student who recognizes the importance of the leader's message, yet doesn't have a clearcut understanding of how to implement the leader's knowledge.
Far too often, we as instructors (at least in this country) want to just teach and set someone free to do their own thing. Unfortunately, that often results in the student floundering about in his/her own randomness, wasting energy trying to reinvent the wheel instead of swallowing their overinflated sense of self and independence and ASKING wholeheartedly to learn a step-by-step process.
[Man, that's some harsh sounding rhetoric there. I don't have an overinflated sense of self!... BULLSH!#... If you didn't have that overinflated sense of self, you'd have recognized your own lack of understanding and done something concrete towards improving that situation. Did you handle it yourself? Did you ask an expert for help? Or do you still think you've got your $h!# completely under control?]
Parenting can be the same. We want our kids to evolve and expect that we've set the stage for them to bloom by providing them with an education, food, shelter, and boundless love. But sometimes that's not enough.
Take me for example. If I hadn't taken it upon myself to find masters and mentors (outside of the schools my parents paid for) to guide me personally, then there are plenty of instances where I'd never be at the level that I am now.
However, I made sure that for every bit of energy my masters & mentors poured into me, I poured back into them OR poured into my own education so that I wouldn't be such a dead weight on their lives. Throughout the years of my education (which continues to this day), my friends and past girlfriends often criticized me harshly, saying stuff like...
"Why are you kissing so & so's ass?"
"Why do you have to do so much for so & so?"
"How come so & so isn't paying you?"
"Why are you working so many hours for such low pay?"
"For someone with a college degree and a professional licensure, why are you getting up so early just to scrub down an herb cooker and do someone's filing?"
I heard all sorts of $hi# and then some. And I won't lie. It irritated me having to explain some of these issues, and there were more than a few times that I began to see things through the eyes of my friends. And my inner attitude occasionally shifted from grateful to entitled.
Thank God I have a better grip on the situation now. These days, I understand that the people that say such things say them out of ignorance or entitlement, and that their attitudes don't have to reflect on me or how I choose to interact with the people who do so much to teach me and provide opportunities for me.
Even among the readers of this blog, I've heard comments like, "You do an awful lot for Pavel" or "I know Gray's your teacher, but I still think he should've paid you to write that book and given you more credit on the Turkish Get-Up" or "Why are you paying the Lee family a big lai-see when you spend more time teaching at Gee Yung than you get to train?" or "How come you killed off your clinic practice for so many months while you were translating, editing, and rewriting Master Lin's book without pay?"
Here's my reply... SHUT UP and listen more... and then DO more. Your speculation is worthless. Your actions, your generosity, your giving of self and resources is all that's meaningful.
Those of you who think or talk that way do so because you're trying to curry favor with me in a cowardly and unethical way, and most likely, you don't really understand the way my relationship is predicated with my teachers.
What makes me a strong leader and a great instructor is the fact that I am first and foremost a devoted follower and a hungry student.
* I am not afraid to ask others to handhold me through certain steps of a process, or to spoonfeed me information, even though there are times when those I ask may look at me with great disdain for having asked.
* I am not afraid to work twice as hard as anyone else around me or around them because I know that the handholding, mentoring process is a laborious, time-consuming, and usually financially punishing undertaking.
* I am not afraid to devote more of my time to my teachers because, in teaching me, they are spending hours they could have spent on someone or something else that would bring them more income or greater joy.
* I am not afraid to put someone else before me, since you cannot lead from the rear and you cannot follow from the front.
* I am not afraid to reprioritize my "friendships" and other relationships since the views of others in my social circle may get in the way of the progress and growth I can best make by serving others.
* I am not afraid of investing time and money in learning a skill set that I've researched and believe in. The investment of time & money in these skill sets will eventually turn into revenue as long as I know how to use those skills to provide meaning and value for others. More importantly, I must know how to communicate that value and meaning for others instead of thinking that they will magically flock to me just because I got business cards printed.
* I am not afraid of telling someone that I don't have time to do whatever it is they want to do if it doesn't move me towards my goals and competes with something important that WILL push me towards my goals.
* I am not afraid of taking the time to spend handholding any one of you who needs it, appreciates it properly, esteems the process and all that's involved in it, benefits from it, and then shows me that you can do all of those things with CONSISTENCY.
